The Firehouse and the Homefront: How Families Can Support Their Firefighters

August 19, 2025

By Wendy C. Norris
This article is reprinted from the 2025 issue of Firefighter Strong

From a young age, I knew that I wanted to be a firefighter when I grew up. I was a curious child and would often chase after the fire trucks and ambulances that responded to a small apartment complex located at the end of my neighborhood. I would pepper them with a thousand questions and insist on holding a radio or a stethoscope. Thankfully, those first responders were always kind and patient with me. As I transitioned into adolescence, my passion for the fire service only deepened when I joined the local Fire Explorers program and worked part-time at the fire department for the chief’s secretary. I was hooked.

When I graduated from high school, I completed the fire academy, received my EMS certifications, secured a job in the fire service, and joined the local volunteer fire department. I was enamored with the fire service, living out my dream, so one would assume that when I met my husband, a firefighter/paramedic, we would be a match made in heaven. We built our little family of two around our passion for the fire service. We worked and volunteered in the industry. Almost all of our friends were first responders. We talked shop, attended conferences, deployed with response teams to disasters, and competed on rescue teams. Our lives felt like a little piece of heaven on earth, until it wasn’t.

As the years ticked by, our family grew from two to three when we adopted our daughter. Friend dynamics changed, schedules were shifted around, and we no longer had the capacity to accommodate
all the things we loved to do when we were just a married couple. What we did hold onto was our work within the fire service. My husband held a position in a career department and served as a chief officer for our local volunteer fire department. I was sidelined by an injury, so I was no longer able to work as a firefighter, but I still remained active with the same volunteer department that my husband was a part of. We juggled raising a child, maintaining friendships, working, and trying to meet the demands of a volunteer department that was constantly in a state of flux. As the demands of the department increased, I began to feel the stress and strain affecting our family dynamics.

The complexities of being a volunteer firefighter run deep. Not only does a volunteer firefighter need to keep up with the responsibilities that they have with the agency they serve, but they must also meet the needs of their families, a job, maybe school, friendships, and other activities and groups that they are a part of. Today’s culture demands that we keep all these proverbial plates spinning perfectly and in sync. Considering all the tasks and risks involved with being a volunteer firefighter, it’s not a wonder that stress levels can be incredibly high for them and their loved ones.

Families play a vital role in supporting the health and well-being of firefighters. When families provide emotional support, it helps the firefighter strengthen their resilience. Resilience refers to the ability to manage stress and recover from challenging experiences. The resilience that is strengthened through family relationships and social circles can act as a buffer and help inoculate the firefighter from the fallout of acute stress and trauma to which they are frequently exposed. According to research, social and familial support is a key factor in developing resilience, enabling individuals to cope better with daily stressors as well as stressful work environments. These supportive relationships offer emotional support and practical resources that can help shield the individual from the adverse effects of the job on their well-being.

So, how can a family support the health and well-being of their firefighter? The most important thing to consider is that each family member practices their own self-care and maintains optimal health and wellness to the best of their ability. Holistically healthy individuals are better equipped to support others in their care.

The Importance of Communication

Consistent communication, even when the conversation is hard, is also one of the most important ways a firefighter family can maintain strong relationships. Communication is like the concrete in the foundation of a house. The higher the quality of materials used for the foundation, the better the structural support of the house will be.

Good communication helps maintain connections and understanding amidst the chaos and unpredictability of the job – especially for volunteer firefighters who are often pulled away at a moment’s notice, any time of the day or night. Strong communication also prevents resentment and isolation from taking root, which are common issues for first responder families. Talking regularly with one another, even setting aside specific times to sit down and have a conversation, allows family members to check in with each other, express their needs, and offer support in ways that truly help.

One of the most delicate balances in communicating with a loved one who is a firefighter is knowing when to give them space and when to encourage conversation. After a difficult response, the individual may need some time to mentally process their experience before they are ready to talk about it. In those moments, offering comfort without pushing for a response − like a hand on the shoulder, a hug, or a snack or meal waiting for them − can speak louder than words. However, if their withdrawal lasts more than a day or two, or they begin to isolate, it may be time to ask, “How are you really doing?” or “Would it be helpful to talk with someone about your experience?” The key is patience and presence − being available without pressure and letting your loved one know they don’t have to carry the weight alone.

Maintaining Routines

Families can support their firefighters by helping them build and maintain healthy routines and boundaries. Creating mutually agreed-upon boundaries, developing some semblance of structure, and establishing both healthy routines for the family and the individual can ease stress and promote balance. It’s important to try and offer, even schedule, opportunities for the firefighter and their family to recharge. For example, plan a family game night, participate in a physical activity like biking, or encourage time spent on a favorite hobby. Even small acts, such as sitting outside with a cup of coffee or taking a scenic drive, can provide ways to recharge. Most importantly, when families make space for rest, fun, and connection, it serves as a reminder that they don’t have to be “on duty” at home. It’s a reminder that caring for themselves and staying connected to their loved ones enables them to serve their community more effectively.

Protect Your Time Together

All relationships experience highs and lows, moments of closeness, and seasons of distance. Like many marriages, my husband and I faced our fair share of challenges as we juggled the demands of work, parenting, and everyday responsibilities – all while trying to stay present with each other and our daughter. It’s a delicate dance that takes intention, patience, and a whole lot of grace. We felt more connected as a family after we sat down and had an honest conversation about setting clear boundaries to protect our time together. We committed to weekly check-ins to share personal and family needs, carved out space for quality time with our daughter, and gave each other the freedom to pursue individual interests.

That shift toward intentionality made all the difference − it allowed us to feel more grounded, supported, and united as a family. Did we do it perfectly all of the time? Definitely not! Of course, we’re all human − mistakes happen and setbacks are part of the journey. That’s where patience, open communication, and regularly reevaluating our core family values became our anchor.

Life with a firefighter in the family isn’t always easy. There are missed dinners, calls that come at any time, disrupted continued from page 21 schedules, and emotional weight that sometimes lingers. But it’s also a life filled with purpose, pride, and deep connection. The challenges are real, but so are the rewards. With intentional support, a lot of grace, and a strong family foundation, being a part of a firefighter family can be one of life’s greatest blessings.

Find additional resources for firefighter families at www.nvfc.org/family.

Wendy C. Norris is the founder and chief executive officer of the Texas LODD Task Force, which is part of the National Fallen Firefighters Foundation’s LAST program. She is a certified grief educator and a master chaplain with the Federation of Fire Chaplains. She has assisted with the development of a peer support curriculum for Texas A&M University-TEEX and also serves as an adjunct instructor for them. She is a member of the Texas First Responder Mental Health Consortium, presiding officer of the Governor’s Advisory Panel for the Star of Texas Awards for injured and fallen first responders, and serves as a chaplain, PIO, and first responder for the Forest Bend Fire Department.